*DISCLAIMER: This article is satire and should in no way be interpreted as an actual record of events, people, or names.
Monta Vista High School has recently become the epicenter of a cultural phenomenon never before witnessed in the Silicon Valley; an Indian student, 18-year-old Raj Singh, became the first high school student of his ethnicity to select “undecided” as his college major. Despite having had nearly six months to alter his choice, Singh is yet to correct his blatant disregard for racial stereotypes.
The outrage grew when, during an interview regarding his plans in college, Singh brazenly stated that he was “not sure, but [was]considering majoring in journalism and public relations.”
Horrified, the entire Southeast Asian community rose up in arms. Petitions were created, which have in total garnered over two hundred thousand signatures from the Southeast Asian community, requesting that the President himself legally declare the 18-year-old no longer a member of the Indian race.
Singh’s parents have yet to make a public statement acknowledging and responding to this atrocity. Sources close to the family suggest that they may be considering moving out of the country and definitively cutting all familial ties with the boy in order to prevent the scandal from marring future generations.
“It’s an insult to our culture,” said Singh’s peer, 17-year-old Ramesh Rajwani. “We’re supposed to be doctors or engineers, have real jobs. What he has done is defy the words we have been hearing since we were born; he has betrayed our one and only reality.”
Scientific studies suggest that Singh’s decision has put him on a path that statistically is nearly impossible to achieve success from; 99.7% of all Southeast Asian humanities majors ultimately end up “unsuccessful,” according to a poll conducted in 2012 by Asians for Science and Math in America.
While most actively condemn Singh’s behavior, a small but steadily growing faction of students appear to growing to accept this unconventional behavior with an unsettlingly open attitude. Several consider his actions acceptable, and some go so far as to commend him for his bravery. The rate at which Singh has garnered support among the student body is disconcerting; during the two weeks following his decision, his approval ratings skyrocketed from less than one percent of the student body to an unacceptable forty percent. The numbers continue to grow as Singh brazenly preaches to his peers about the “importance of staying true to their passion.”
Terrified that such insanity may impact the thought process of their future pre-meds and engineers, several Southeast Asian parents have petitioned the district to have Singh and any and all of his supporters publicly shamed and removed from the school. Some of the more mild suggested punishments include forcing the rebels to wear a scarlet “U” for “unique” for the remainder of their days in high school or administration of two hundred lashes per student for each word uttered in support of Singh’s treachery.
“An example must be made and the sanctity of our traditions must be preserved” said Maya Ratnam, a concerned mother of two Monta Vista students. “If students see their peers diverging from our ways, they may think it is acceptable to follow suit. It is not.”
The results of the petitions are still pending, but students and parents alike remain optimistic that the audacity of Singh will soon be reprimanded.
In unrelated news, Singh later received an early acceptance letter from Harvard University. He was reclaimed by his family and all the statements used in this article have been recanted.